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Searching for a story.


May 22, 2013


As I indicated in my last two posts, I’ve been feeling a bit awash in life; unable to grab hold of, and maintain a steadfast grip on, a meaning-system with which I can make sense of the world. We are creatures which perceive the world through our various senses. We integrate the data, and convert it into a narrative which explains the reality we experience. The ability to formulate narratives; to make stories out of our experiences, is thought to be a relatively new arrival. Since perhaps as recently as 250,000 years ago, our brains gradually began to organize all its collected data, all of our experiences of reality, into stories.

Meaning systems are like narrative templates, and we story our experiences in line with the predominant meaning systems of our day. Thus, meaning system have a profound effect, not on how we experience reality, but how we view those experiences in relation to the larger story of life. Meaning systems can and do come in the form of religion, but things like culture, trends, politics, economics, prevailing thoughts, science, and even rationality itself are also meaning systems.

In the not too distant past, meaning systems we fewer and more stable. The menu was short, and the diners were happy. Once upon a time, Christians had very little direct exposure to Hindu’s. Each was isolated from the other, and very content with their wildly different meaning systems which, to this very day, shape the way Hindus and Christians story their lives.

I was raised with a literal carte balance: a blank card, and unfettered access to any and all available meaning systems which human kind had a record of. It was a modern, secular education. I had only to choose. But there were so many choices! Was I going to be a Christian? Or an Atheist? Or a Buddhist? I only found out about Humanists a few short years ago! They seem pretty good too. And that’s just religion. Was I going to be a Democrat, or a Republican, or would I eventually conclude politics in America is a shit-show precisely because of such labels. I’m for a society which generates “the greatest happiness for the greatest number” of its citizens, and I think makes me, among other things, both a Pacifist and an Anarchist (which I only discovered the many meanings of six years ago)!

And what to do about the economy? Storying one’s life with a Capitalist narrative structure seems quite popular these days. But how much capital per-person is too much, and what are the consequences? What are the benefits, too? Should I just say f@*k it, and live off the land? I read a book about a guy who did just that, over 150 years ago, and whose writing is so shockingly relevant today that perhaps I should chop down trees, built a cabin, hoe some beans, and story my own Walden.

And Philosophy. And Psychology. And Neurology. And rationality. They were all driving me insane. What to do with my life, but more importantly, WHY?

I’m sure I’m not the only wayward 20-something (a phrase which describes me for exactly four more months). We are a generation devoid of a universally agreed upon meaning system. I recall half-assed attempts to make the modern world sound tolerable, which were the only narrative templates I had to story my future: get a good education, to get as high a paying job as that education entitles you to, so you can have the things you want. In the end, things were the ultimate goal. Considerable sacrifices to personal freedom and independent thought had to be made in order to fit into the prevailing meaning system. I don’t recall any meaning system about how and why to live a happy life.

It just so happened that there would be no sense of urgency for my generation either. No Great Depression; no Evil Axis. As I said to someone at dinner last night, speaking of my lackluster motivation for participating in the world versus my parents: “Nothing motivates a generation like the imminent threat of a nuclear holocaust.”

I concluded earlier today that I must be searching for my story. It may turn out that my search is the story: the way of the peaceful wanderer? Nevertheless, I’m out here, and I’m trying things out. There are many who've gone before me, and I try and read their tales to see if they know the way. I may never stop moving, but I do hope to find the story which helps me come to rest.  




An Alternative Path to The Same Place.


May 18th, 2013


Sometimes my mind swells when contemplating the enormity of beauty and horror in the world. I’m left with a non-specific sense of urgency which obscures the beauty and undermines compassion and action. I often feel like I’m forcing an excess of perception through a funnel that is far too narrow. By the time the stuff of thought gets extruded, the present moment has come and gone. I doubt I’m the only person who occasionally feels this way. Consciousness is profound.

Over the past two years, I’ve made some radical decisions concerning my life course. The most significant decision was also the easiest. For reasons I’ve yet to fully understand, I decided to quit playing poker for a living. From an external perspective, things were great. I was making good money playing a game from the comfort of wherever I wanted to be. However, I never wanted to play, and rarely did. That was my first clue that something wasn’t right. When the US made it officially illegal to play online poker from within United Sates, I moved to Canada, played for a month, and then quit. That was two years ago.

I had no idea what to do next, so I decided to devote my 28th year of life to discovering what I was passionate about. I made a list of several intense experiences to immerse myself in, and proceeded to have the best year of my life crossing each activity off the list. By the end of the year, I had done many new and interesting things. The experience I valued most, however, was meditation. Having no experience with meditation whatsoever, I had attended a 10-day Vipassana meditation retreat. While there, I saw a solution in which I could dissolve many of life’s problems.

It wasn’t a religion, or even a belief system. It was a practice. A simple practice with which I could teach myself how and why to be a better person. A practice with which I could train my body and mind to not be so angry, so worried, so judgmental, so afraid, or so attached. I understood it as a way, not to get what I wanted, but as a process by which to realize that whatever I already had was more than enough. Instead of obtaining everything I wanted – which, for me, is everything there is plus a little extra – I realized that I could un-want things at a very deep level; that I could be free from desiring things my mind thought might make me happy, but which often got in the way of happiness here and now.

Clearing out just a few non-essential desires left a vast cavern in which I could directly cultivate inner riches of compassion, contentment, and satisfaction with life. By the end of the year, this task of cultivation had become, so to speak, my passion. However, after one year of searching I still couldn’t chart a comprehensive course for living what I thought to be a proper life in the modern world. But, meditation gave me an invaluable rudder, which was the ability to accept my inherent rudderlessness. I still forget I can do that from time to time; that I can accept what is, stop striving, and simply enjoy. 

My next major decision was whether or not to do ‘The Happy Ride’. According to plan, I was supposed to be conserving my money, not spending it on exotic travel and expensive machinery. However,  serendipity can be a delightful bitch. The motorcycle I now own and have driven across Laos and Cambodia found me, not the other way around. When I first laid eyes on it, I was horrified by its impeccable condition. It was a contemptibly perfect motorcycle for around the world travel. The seller was a shamefully genial Brit who had the nerve to offer the bike, with loads of extras, at a good price. Everything surrounding the trip logistics seemed to fall in place of its own accord. For a whole month in Myanmar, I thought it over. In the end, I acquiesced to fate, which is something I never do, and which is not something I recommend. As luck would have it, I couldn’t be happier with the result.

Having barely started the trip, I’m already facing another seemingly major decision: How long will the trip take? One year? Five years? I honestly don’t know. As I wrote in my last post that I’ve been toying with the idea of spending ten months in Nepal and India, as opposed to the planned two months. This would make the trip at least two years in length, and may make riding across Africa less likely due to time and money constraints. Suffice it to say, there are innumerable reasons for it, and innumerable reasons against it. 

I confined myself to a relaxing and stylish riverside guesthouse in Kampot, Cambodia. I wasn’t going to leave or do anything until I made a decision; several decision actually. I began to brood. I began to want things to be particular ways, and I was letting rudderlessness get the best of me.

Part of me wants a normal life and the security that comes with it. Aside from summer jobs, I’ve never earned a regular paycheck, and I haven’t graduated from college – an exceedingly popular thing to do these days. Building a secure lifestyle was sounding increasingly comforting, and thoughts about this made me terribly distressed.

Wisdom fell out of the sky in the form of a beautiful and sage woman named Erin. I had been ruminating about living a stable and helpful life. I wanted to be “involved”, but didn’t know where to start, or what I meant by that. I read some philosophy, and continued to brood.

Talking with Erin was a relief. We both went kayaking and began to chat, as travellers do, about life itself. She had well defined and reasoned thoughts about what to do, how to be, and could articulate them succinctly. We admitted to the inherent slipperiness of life’s big questions – the ones I typically get stuck on – but she had the courage of her convictions, and knew how to trust her inherently benevolent intuition. She is an exemplar of wisdom in action, too.  

An autodidact, a self-starter, Erin had constructed a life for herself which I consider ideal. She had recently moved to Cambodia to take a position at a charity that deals with acid attacks. Not knowing what those were, Erin explained. Unbeknownst to me, throwing battery acid in other people’s faces is an activity that some people’s brains decide is a good idea. The unlucky owners of such a brain are compelled to buy battery acid and toss it on someone else, who, in turn, are the unlucky recipients of actions caused by the unfortunate configuration of someone else’s brain. Getting battery acid thrown in your face leads to severe disfigurement and health complications, but rarely death. I was unaware that people engaged in such recreation. It was a very illuminating conversation.   

Erin and I had a long chat about morality, ethics, and compassion after that. I had recently read neuroscientist and philosopher Sam Harris’ treatise on free-will. While there is a debate about whether determinism in the brain is compatible with free will, evidence that brain configurations lead to particular thoughts, beliefs, and actions is overwhelming. There exists a configuration in the brains of each and everyone one of us that would compel us to conclude that harming others is a good idea. For example, if it were possible to precisely configure the state of persons brain, it would be possible to make them believe that they are justified in throwing battery acid in someone else’s face.   

Although precisely configuring the state of a person’s brain is not currently possible, there are numerous external influences which do predictably alter the stuff of thought, and thus the resulting actions. For example, certain brain injuries and tumors cause particular brain configurations which cause people to do all manner of wacky things. The environment can also reliably provoke particular brain configurations. A child who is physically beaten every day of his youth will develop a preponderance brain configurations that compel him to violence as an adult. Tragedy begets tragedy in all but the most heroic circumstances.

Brain configurations can be influenced by culture too. Through culture, people inherit particular thought structures and ways of interpreting the world which predictably lead towards certain brain configurations. For example, in countries where there is explicit and often legally enforced subjugation of women, peoples brains are woefully less likely to conclude that throwing acid in a woman’s face is wrong. Sometimes, these tragic brains conclude that the act was justified.
 
In Cambodia, the acid attackers are often distraught lovers, and often teenagers, boiling in the confusion of undirected emotion. Jealousy between lovers is a common theme in contemporary Cambodian culture. The attackers almost always express remorse or, more commonly, ignorance. They simply had not, or could not, process the gravity of their actions before acting. Other times, the attackers are the archetypal sociopaths we all too reflexively hate. In all likelihood, their tormented lives led to tormented brains which result in tragic action. The incalculable amount of suffering they endure does not exonerate them, but I can’t, for the life of me, see any reason to hate such a person.

Erin and I talked about these issues. I was delighted that research suggests reasons for being more compassionate. Erin didn’t seem to need any convincing to be more compassionate, although I think she enjoyed the conversation. Her life path probably won’t lead to riches or celebrity status. She probably won’t own a luxury homes, drive a fancy car, or be able to buy the latest gadgets – which are random desires resultant from brain configurations induced by our own culture, and the $15,000,000,000,000,000 annual GDP which manufactures, perpetuates, and depends entirely, on such desire.

There is a felt sense of dis-ease when we do not have the things we desire. I've observed that people like Erin are largely immune to this uncomfortable feeling of lack. She may not obtain the things our culture induces us to desire, but her job will result in fewer people getting acid thrown in their face. Sounds successful to me. Erin taught me a great deal about the kind of life I want to make for myself.

However, I was stuck contemplating; not acting. I feel like I’ve been doing this my whole life. Perhaps ceaseless contemplation results from an unavoidable configuration of my brain. Who knows? However, it seems meditation and talks with wonderful people like Erin are influencing my thoughts and actions in positive ways. After hearing Erin's story, I realized that inasmuch as I was brooding over how to construct a selfless life, I misunderstood what it meant to be selfless. My current path is that of searching, and it's inherently uncertain. I realized had to let go of the decision of whether or not extend my time in Nepal and India to ten months.    

The advice I’ve gotten from friends has hinted at this conclusion. As fellow motorcycle traveller, and likely candidate for friend from a previous lifetime, Danny DiGiacomo, has twice reminded me: “You’ll never starve!” Probabilistically speaking, he’s right. I think understanding the profundity this statement should be an aspiration for all to which it applies, which, if you are reading this blog, likely means you too! You can read the English language, and presumably own or know how to operate a computer. Being a native speaker of English currently qualifies one for decent employment opportunities in the developing world, which comprises the overwhelming majority of the world’s population (roughly 85%).

About one in seven people on Earth don’t get sufficient protein, vitamins, or minerals in their diet on a daily or yearly basis. To be at the bottom of this cohort means calorie counting is a literal matter of life and death. Thirty million Chinese people were unable to keep their nutritional tally high enough to sustain life during three years of famine which began in 1958. Simply teaching English is currently a readily available means of not-starving for just about everyone I know.

The point is not to feel guilty, an all too common and oft misplaced reaction to the very real and often visceral horrors of the world. The point is to realize how lucky we are. Gratitude and compassion are far more appropriate responses. They’re more helpful too. The difference between the two can be felt, which is significant.

Both times Danny reminded me that “I’ll never starve” gave rise to a felt sense of lightness. Am I the only one? What was I so worried about? On closer inspection, I found that the worst case scenarios for my career life are eminently acceptable. Does such a realization not bring everyone relief? The deeper I go with it, the lighter I feel.

Nobody is immune to loss, to heartbreak, or to uncertainty. Setbacks are bound to come in life. By some unlikely turn of events, it may be starvation that does me in after all. I had considerable consternation over several career (or lack thereof) decisions I have made over the past two years. I’m not sure where any of this is going, but I’m glad to have the support and encouragement of others.

I’ve decided to extend the trip, or at least my time in Nepal and India. I could be wandering for years to come; in fact I hope that is the case. I do want to contribute, but I also what to attain an understanding of selflessness which puts that desire in what I feel is the proper context.

A non-college grad, a wayward former poker player, an unemployed and seemingly directionless vagabond am I. Suffice it to say, I’m on an alternative path. I’m not secured in the way my culture compels me to seek security. However, no matter how we travel, we all end up in the same place, and we can’t take anything with us. We have only the one journey, which takes place now. Each moment we are the oldest we’ve even been, and the youngest we’ll ever be. Whatever anxiety we create in trying to secure ourselves can be reduced by letting go. After all, if you’re reading this, you’ll never starve! Let go! Or, follow this blog and read about the trials and tribulations of a man who is trying to let go.

I’m a big fan of informed decision making through statistics. Below are two lists. One is the top 10 things that correlate to experienced happiness. The other are the top 5 things people regret when they are dying. It seems that both of these list are diametrically opposed to how we in the West structure our lives. They suggest that we should live deliberately, and pursue happiness and fulfillment more directly.



Lastly, this blog was supposed to be about happiness and the emerging science of positive psychology. I’m not sure what this blog is anymore. At any rate, one empirical finding of positive psychology is that people feel happier when spending money on other people, as opposed to on themselves. And so, I offer you an opportunity to increase your own happiness. Below is a link to the charity Erin works for. It’s a US registered 501-3(c), and they accept donations through PayPal, which makes it a quick and easy process. $50 goes a long way in Cambodia, but even a $5 contribution would be helpful.


The good news is that, not only will fewer people get acid thrown in their face, but you will experience a boost in happiness too. Put your own intention into it. Relish the act of giving to others, and happiness will result. If you don’t have a PayPal account, already give to other causes, or simply don’t feel like giving to random charities, buy a friend a coffee, or perform some other random act of kindness. Do some little thing to increase the happiness of some other person, and it will increase your own happiness too. Its science!   


“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” - Plato  
"Universal compassion in the only guarantee of morality.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer







Comments Welcome.



May 13th, 2012


The exciting conclusion of my day in a small Laotian village - quite possibly the most interesting and rewarding experience of my trip this far - is currently a bore to think about. I’m not quite sure if its procrastination that keeps me from finishing the story, but every time I attempt to finish it, nothing decent get written. I’m not excluding the possibility that this is always the case, but am nevertheless keenly aware that whatever I write about it reads like uninteresting garbage. To better times ahead!

Recently, I’ve been toying the idea with extending my trip – which has no finite end date that I’m aware of anyway. However, I think I want to make it longer, or at least slower. The logistical hurdles of riding a motorcycle across Asia particularly are high, and make a speedy trip both difficult and unappealing.

Currently, I’d have plans to ship the motorcycle to India in a week or so. I’d have to cross India and make it to Pakistan by July or August, giving me a whopping 45-60 days to explore Nepal and India. Though I’ve been to both of these countries before, I’d like more time to explore them. Extra time would help on several fronts. I’d be able to travel through “The Stan’s” (Pakistan to Tajikistan to China to Kyrgyzstan to Kazakhstan to Azerbaijan) at a more leisurely pace, and I’d have more time to arrange to mountain of paperwork necessary for travel through this region with a vehicle. It would also mean waiting in India until mid-March of 2014, as the roads in and out of The Stans freeze over.

I would therefore spend 9-10 months in Nepal and India, which seems like enough time to do more than travel through them. Its somewhat of a major decision. 10 months is a long time, and I’m not exactly sure what the point is. I’m highly suspicious that nobody else does either, so that’s a relief.

I’d like to volunteer in India. Ideally, I’d like to teach precocious adolescent Indians… something? About English, about culture, about life, about chemistry, about poker, it doesn’t really matter. I’m officially unqualified to teach any such things; which is to say there is no piece of paper that says I should teach anyone anything. My idea to teach is a flight of fancy, but a man can dream. Here’s a Hail Mary: If anyone knows of institutions in India that would dare to let paperless people teach, let me know.

That was vague.

In any event, I imagine that I’d find some volunteering work for some amount of time. Also, I’d be able to attend to the meditation practice which has been very beneficial to me. I’d have time to do some more retreats and serve at the centers. Although even I think I’ve been travelling for too long already, what does that even mean? What path am I supposed to take anyhow?

What I love most about travel is that it’s a wonderful metaphor for life. You come, you go, you see, you meet, you do, and you learn. Eventually, it ends. My trip is finite after all. In the final analyses, there is no singular point to it. It’s just a trip. The Taoists believe “The journey is the reward”, and I tend to agree. I suppose all travellers eventually intuit what Robert Louis Stevenson so eloquently penned

"Little do ye know your own blessedness; for to travel hopefully is a better thing than to arrive, and the true success is to labour."

How about that for a metaphor on life?

I have my doubts about 10 months “waiting” in India. Then again, I’m stuck on this rock no matter what. I’m only waiting if I think I’m waiting. I simply feel absurd living this life, and want to make sure I’m not crazy; or that I am crazy, but that everyone else is too. I’m just trying to fit in.

Perhaps life is just plain crazy. It seems pretty coconuts to me at times. We love each other. We bomb each other. Some organizations try to help those in need. Other organizations do their best to wipe entire groups of people out of existence. A recent invention, which is growing rapidly in popularity, are organizations that don’t really care what they do, so long as they acquire pieces of paper that everyone agrees are worth just about anything. They have the power to save the world, and the power to destroy it. Once they’re up and running, there is almost no incentive for them to change course. What a show!

I think some time to reflect in Incredible India would be well spent. It’s the most topsy-turvy place I’ve ever been. Indians seem to know how to go with flow amongst all the inherent chaos of the world. In an age where the worlds most powerful people are pieces of paper, who, being pieces of paper, are necessarily ambivalent to humanity, and where some other pieces of paper are worth just about anything, perhaps stress-testing myself in chaotic India is a good idea.

If only I had pieces of paper that entitled me to officially explain things to people – preferably precious adolescent Indians, and preferably not poker, which is the only thing I’m actually good at, but which no institution certifies the goodness of with pieces of paper. It’s times like these where I wish I had graduated from college.

However, poker has provided me with certain pieces of paper that I’ve exchanged for just about anything over the past seven years – the most valuable of which has been several trips around the world, but there’s no institution to certify their value either, which is a shame because I feel like travel has taught me more than anything in life.

And that’s that…




Although I’m fairly certain that only my mom reads this blog, I’ll ask anyway: Thoughts on 10 months in India?

*Edit: I have set 'Reader comments' to 'Allow', yet they seem only to be enabled on prior posts. Technology != Reliability. If you'd like to comment, check out my post entitled SEX! Comments seem to be enabled there. 



SEX!




It’s been too long since my last post, yet not enough time as passed where I feel like writing about the trip. At the end of my last post, I was napping in a strangers house in a Laotian village. Now, I’m sitting alongside a river in Kampot, Cambodia thinking about social media, the future of humanity, and a favorite activity of many people I know, including myself: SEX! All caps, exclamation point. Who wouldn’t be interested? However, this post is far less pornographic than the typeface suggest. Sorry to disappoint.

In an ironic turn of events, something I read on Facebook lead me to question the utility of social media. I came across a post concerning the privacy flaws in the Facebook application Bang With Friends, which is an application that connects willing people who are friends on Facebook to meet up for casual sex. It turned out there was a slight problem with the privacy settings, however. Apparently, all one needed to do was click a particular link to see which of their friends had installed the app.
My initial reactions were fairly standard: “Wow, that sucks for those people”, “Why am I just hearing about the existence of this app?”, “Why wasn't it invented earlier”, “This app would have been amazing in high school and especially college”, “Would I be using it if I were home?”, and of course, a non-committal “Meh, probably”.

I’m all for sexual liberation and think open and honest discussion about sex is both healthy and progressive. The egregious failure to protect privacy notwithstanding, I felt concern and even outrage about the app Bang With Friends. I didn’t fully understand the core of it until I began clacking on the keyboard; composing a rant against social media, which I promptly posted on Facebook.

My thinking is not that social media are not inherently bad or wrong. However, its axiomatic to state that they are designed to compel heavy use, and that such heavy use quantifiably diminishes happiness. As far as Bang With Friends is concerned, I’m not worried about the liberalization of sex and its promotion of casual sex. I’m worried about the cheapening of experience to the point where it becomes meaningless.

My rant is below:

Has the collective ignorance of society grown so large that nobody can see the danger in debasing the justifiably cherished and very awesome act of sex with “BangWithFriends”? If so, I want in!

I’m horrible at getting laid, and would love it to happen more often. That’s the great thing about interacting through technology, there’s almost no need to form sincere and truly meaningful interpersonal relations anymore! Finally, we can get through our lives without ever knowing what it means to live a human life. There’s an app for that :-).

I’m not against casual sex or even BangWithFriends. But social media is duplicitous. Strong interpersonal relationships are the number one predictor of subjective well-being (aka happiness). Paradoxically heavy use of social media empirically degrades such relationships and the well-being of millions of people. They are tools which are designed to be addictive. Thus, they are tools to be managed. We lose so much by confusing them for the real thing. Both individual happiness and a collective sense of humanity are diminished. Love your family, love your friends, and especially love your enemies. Love those who hate or do what you cannot understand. Find out what this means on the deepest level and you will be forever changed.

Things like Facebook and BangWithFriends are unavoidable and are likely here to stay, which is fine. They have the potential to add real value to life, but that’s not why they are created. The incentives which drive their construction and expansion are purely based on the amount of use; not the amount usefulness. They may be able to enhance personal growth and deep personal relationships, yet on average, they don’t. Don’t forget about the real thing. Don’t get through your life without ever knowing what it means to live a human life. 


Off The Trail



May 3rd, 2013



I was slow to leave Nong Khiaw, puttering out of town just before 9am. I missed several precious hours of cool and comfortable riding. However, at least the view seemed to be improving, with fewer fields burning each night.

My eventual destination was Phonsavan, site of the famous Plain of Jars. I had skipped them in 2009, but recalled decent reviews. This time, my backdoor route planning took me right by them. I would be zigzagging though some hilly terrain, winding up and down switchbacks of jungle covered limestone on towards the famous jars.  

Leaving town, I followed the river for some time. Every few minutes compelled me to stop and take in amazing views of 100 meter plus vertical sections of limestone in close proximity to the riverbank. Vines, ivy, bushes, and even full grown trees lead precarious lives in on pock marked faces of these cliffs. However, I had to press on, having dilly-dallied that morning.

The road was in highly respectable condition; I don’t recall any potholes. Though narrow for two lanes, it didn’t carry much traffic, and I often had the road all to myself. The relative solitude of the road gave rise to dream-like pontifications. Had everything had been put there so for when I would pass though and experience it? It certainly felt that way.

Had the roads, towns, and people been fabricated and placed just so; and had the wild and seemingly random universe conspired to make me think about this or that, creating a perfect illusion of choice, eventually leading me to ride a motorcycle through Laos? If there was any particular message, it was lost on me. But, there I was: an isolated and distinct agent among the many.

I wound my way upwards and attained dramatic views of the surrounding jungle. Passing through a wisp of a village along the ridge-line, I saw two dirt-bikers paused at a food stall. I slowed and we chatted for a bit. Laos is great for off-road riding. An ever-changing network of dirt track connects most of the countryside; places few tourist get to go. The riders, a Dutchman and his Cambodian guide, mentioned that they had done some tough off-road riding. I asked them about how my bike would fare in such conditions.

“If you’re an excellent rider, and had someone to ride with, I suppose it would be possible, but very difficult with your rig” the Dutchman explained.

I wanted neither difficulties nor someone to ride with. I knew it would be years before I could call myself an excellent rider, especially for off-road. Time and practice alone make one into an excellent rider, and I was comparatively new to serious riding. The Cambodian guide exchanged some words with a local guy and got my attention.

“This guy here says you can go back about 2km and take a right onto a new dirt road. It meets back up 
with the main road after about 50km, and it should be easy riding” he said in perfect English.

I had the time, and I needed the practice, so I took a chance. I doubled back and found the turn-off. I was immediately pleased by what I found. I turned off the main road at a crest, and so came instantly upon sweeping jungle views, stretching in all directions. I left mostly deserted asphalt for completely deserted dirt track.

A slight haze remained in the air, but it did not enshroud the obvious: I was staring over vast amounts of primeval Asian jungle. There would be no power lines or paved roads to the horizon in every direction. Several hill-tribes and minimally contacted people live all over Laos, particularly in areas like this one. Being so close to the main road, I had no hopes of seeing such people. However, I could rightfully imagine that within my panorama lay another world; a raw and untouched humanity; a psychology and perception of reality is unknown and perhaps unknowable to me, yet the desire to understand is there.

The road descended and I followed it. At first I rode perpendicular to the main road, riding away from a more connected world, and into the tick of the jungle. Within minutes, I was in the shade of jungle canopy, driving through a natural archway of increasingly dark greenery. I stopped to have a listen. It was just before noon;  the more sonorous creatures had gone to bed hours ago. Although hot and humid jungle air dampens sound, I heard insects buzzing in the heat of the day, with a few unseen birds chatting at a distance.

The road maintained its surprising good quality and continued to burrow deeper into the jungle. Eventually, I came to an intersection and was forced to make a decision. There were two options: turn right onto a good dirt road which seemed to exit the jungle and continue parallel to the main road, or continue straight, burrowing deeper into the jungle and away from the main road.

I peered deep into natures tunnel and felt the pull of mystery. “What’s down that road?” I wondered. In the end, prudence prevailed. I didn’t feel like getting lost, or losing a day to backtracking. The area was presumably safe, but that the road into the jungle may well have gone nowhere special. I followed what I determined to be the route the old man spoke of.

I exited the jungle and went through some very out of the way villages, waving to surprised locals as I moseyed through town. I stopped at a river crossing to have a look, laughing at myself when I discovered that the water was only a few inches deep and two meters across. A scooter could ford it without hesitation. I was stopped on the outskirts of a tiny village, perhaps twenty houses in all. After a drink of water, I convinced myself to go and say hello. I grabbed my Polaroid camera to make some easy friends, and sauntered toward the village.

As I approached town, a middle aged man came to greet me. I assume he thought I was lost, or had broken down, but I shook his hand, said hello, and motioned to have a look around. Seeming to understand, he acquiesced and lead me to his doorstep where several children gathered. I raised the digital camera I had slung around my neck and took some photos. With the children laughing but cooperating, I took out the Polaroid and took a photo. We all watched it come to life, and I left it with the man who greeted me. A confounded look never left his face.




I took a quick look at the village and snapped some photos. I left under pressure of mounting awkwardness. I had no idea what I was doing there, but it was interesting if nothing else. I rode on, bemused by my ten minute tour of a random village. Some minutes later I passed through another, slightly more extensive village. A chorus of hello’s came ringing from a blue and white cement school-house. Still unsure of myself, I made another impulsive pit stop. I waved, said hello to the children, and grabbed my cameras. Again, I had no real plan, but decided to check out the town.

Lao people are extraordinarily friendly, both to foreigners and each other. I suppose community breeds cooperation – a trait which crosses over socialization. I strolled into the unsuspecting village, and was met by innumerable jovial gestures. I can’t possibly imagine what they thought I was doing there. I can’t possibly imagine what I thought I was doing there. Having practiced, I felt somewhat more natural this time around. Judging the faces of the people, the event seemed to be understood for what it was: an innocent and capricious coming together of two cultures. Why seemed pretty irrelevant.

The village was set squeezed between the main road and the bank of the river – currently shallow and slight at the very end of the dry season. In close proximity, and in every direction, the village was hemmed in by steep hills, a few hundred meters in elevation. Wandering large livestock and light forest surrounded the village. The houses were clustered in an array, perhaps three dozen in all, where the smaller livestock felt safe. Little did they know.

The homes were much as you’d see in developing countries everywhere: simple, cheap, and largely built by hand. Asia’s village homes have their own unique functional and aesthetic qualities. Generally only one or two room affairs, the houses sit elevated a few meters in the air, supported by four to six thin pylons. Crossbeams are laid across the tiny pylons, creating a frame for the floor. The floors are often made of bamboo, thin strips of which are tacked close together, splaying the cylinder into smooth, tiny, floorboards. The walls are usually woven, reed-like material. The roofs are made of either corrugated metal sheets, or natural materials like bundled hay or palm fronds laid like shingles. From indoors, the pitch of the roof is perceptibly steep, which helps deal with the heat. Being elevated, most homes have wide and substantial ladders leading into the entryway, or perhaps up to a landing.

I approached the first house I came to. An older women cloaked in conventional garb sat outside with a younger women who was one of the few people dressed in clean modern clothing. The younger woman spoke the slightest bit of English, and I offered a Polaroid with her and the child that she had slung around her neck. She smiled and attempted to get her young son to look at the camera. She made eating and drinking gestures and waved me up to the house. I eagerly accepted the invitation. I was hungry and thirsty, and it was becoming clear to me that something like this was exactly what I hoped to have happen.






Leaving my muddy shoes at the base of the stairs, I climbed up and into the kitchen – a tiny space adjoined to a one room house. In the kitchen, there wasn’t much space to stand and everything was set on the floor. I took a seat on a miniature stool, and looked up to see an increasing amount of children looking in through the doorway. Another woman with child entered the kitchen and one of the children dutifully stoked the fires of the ceramic cooking chimney.

Innocent curiosity hung in the air. I had no idea what to do, say, or expect. I suppose they didn’t either, but they seemed to be on autopilot. I was given a glass of water from a teapot which had a red tinge to it. The women in contemporary clothing picked up a skinned piece of wood, pantomiming that the stick was boiled with the water, causing the coloration. She raised both of her arms and flexed her biceps.

“Strong” she grunted with a smile.

The explanation was good enough for me, and I drank the water down. It only had a slight earthy flavor; the stick colored the water more than flavored it. I couldn’t readily think of a way to test for an increase in strength, so I took it on faith that I temporarily possessed the strength of ten men. I remained seated. A large circular tin tray was placed on top of an upside down pail, creating a low table, and that’s when the feast began.

The glass of water was very welcoming, and I thought that there might be a light snack and I’d be on my way. But, more women began to gather in the kitchen, perhaps five in all, with various children taking turns to peer through the door and giggle. A family sized basket of sticky rice was taken out, and the table was soon set with various bowls filled with main dishes. The women prompted me: “Eat, eat…” as women will do. For a while I was the only person eating, but gradually they joined in – much to my relief.

The dishes were vaguely familiar to me, though they tasted more pungent than anything served in restaurants. There was a bowl of minced pork with a sour flavor, a briny bowl of potherbs and fish parts, and a bowl of tiny steamed potatoes covered in oil and chili. The basket of sticky rice was passed around continuously. Chunks of rice were pulled away from the main ball, and were pressed into smaller orbs which were used to scoop food. The largest hunk of fish was pulled out of the main bowl with a spoon and unquestioningly placed in front of me.

“Eat, eat…” They causally implored.

It was then that I began to slide into a detachment so relaxing it was divine. I felt at home, but not in the literal sense. I felt at home as a human being. For once, I understood the depths to which the brethren of human-kind belong to the Earth and to each other. To accept and be accepted is bliss. All my cares floated away, and I noticed a dissolution of reality as  normally experienced. It lasted for some time, and my fellow Earth-bound compatriots perceptibly shimmered with pure intentions and lack of pretense. There was no need for the moment to be anything other than what it was.   

More food was being cooked, more tiny potatoes were being peeled and then plunked into boiling water. I answered what questions I could, and kept saying ‘thank you’, ‘I like’, ‘very good’, and I imitated riding a motorcycle – complete with sound effects. A sweet dish was placed on the table: a bowl of potatoes and rice thickened and sweetened by condensed milk. The relaxation remained, but my sense of presence was waning.

“Sleep?” the young mother who knew a bit of English asked. She motioned towards the back of the house, indicating where I could lie down and take a nap.

“No problem” she added.

Post lunch napping was a necessary custom in Asia, which I was vaguely familiar with: wake up early, eat a bunch of rice in the heat of the day, take a nice long nap. Indeed, I felt very tired.

“Tonight stay here?”

The offer was so natural, so spontaneous, so casual that I longed for confirmation, but she walked into the adjacent room. I was still enjoying the sweet course, and cold not follow her. Her husband walked into the kitchen, also well dressed in modern, business-like clothing. We shook hands, exchanged a few words, and he nonchalantly swaggered back into the main room. It was as if my presence was the norm; like I was supposed to be there.

I stayed in the kitchen with women, and began issuing Polaroid photos by request. I was quite pleased that they felt comfortable asking. The asking was as natural as the giving. Exchanging tit-for-tat was not the goal, but an incidental.

Lunch was tidied up; the table deconstructed and cleared. I had been there almost two hours and didn’t feel like pressing on for the day. In fact, I had forgotten all about my bike which sat alongside the school. My backpack containing the bulk of my valuables was loosely strapped on top. Although I admonished myself for lack of prudence, I wasn’t really worried.

I went searching for the young woman whom I thought had said I could stay there for the night. She could not be found, but most people in the house motioned to an area for me to nap. I was confused. Had I been invited to nap, or to stay for the night? Practical concerns were returning, which gave my perception of reality of different texture. What was happening with the bike? Where was I sleeping that night? Where was I? That sort of thing. Ultimately, they could wait a few minutes. Certainly, there was no harm in taking a thirty minute cat-nap. So that’s what I did.

To be continued…