An Aside

April 23, 2013

About a week ago, I stepped out of the primary story and into another realm. This entry has nothing to do with the main story, which is more or less about my motorcycle ride across Asia. This is an aside, or, as many fellow long term travellers call it, a break from travel. In a way that’s true. It is a break. However I’m still in Cambodia, and I have been busy; very busy.

I’m far ahead of the story I’ve been blogging about. That was a decision I made months ago; back before I started the trip. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I’ve forgotten why I’ve made it. But that doesn’t matter here. I’m not writing this from inside the trip. I stepped out of the trip, and the story that goes with it, about a week ago, remember?

I usually decide to make such fleeting departures from the road when I’m either fatigued or have stumbled upon a place particularly to my liking. The latter has ensnared me this time. I seem to have checked into the Cambodian equivalent of Hotel California. At $12 per night, my bungalow is the most expensive place I’ve stayed since the trip began. It is also far and away the nicest. I’ve got a hardwood palace all to myself at The Treetop Eco lodge of Ban-lung, Cambodia. I don’t want to leave! But, the road beckons, and I intend to be on the move shortly.

So what do I do during such asides? I spend a bunch of time in hammocks. I generally read a lot. This time I have read a prodigious amount. I’ve spent some time writing too. Writing is skill I wouldn’t mind developing. I’ve observed innumerable things during the past several years of travel, and want to write them down someday soon. Many people have told me “keep a journal” or “write stuff down”. More recently, people have advised “You should start a blog” and so I have. You’re reading it right now! Sorry.  

Beyond the things I have seen, the things I’ve done, and the people I’ve met, is something universal; a perennial message that unites everything. I’ve seen the message personified in India, in the Middle East, in Europe, in Central and South America. I’ve seen the message acted out by my friends and family, and myself as well. It’s the universal song of humanity, and we all sway to its rhythm.
  

I’ve noticed that, despite the incomprehensible variation of lives being lived around the world, all humans are struggling to attain what is essentially the same thing. One problem is that the thing we are all after is not a thing, even though getting ahold of a lot of little things is currently a popular strategy for attaining ‘The One Big Mysterious Thing’ – which, again, is not a thing. Another problem is that very few people know what ‘The Perennial Message That Unites Us All’ is, or how to listen for it. I’ve yet to cipher the message, but I’m learning how to listen. However, try as I might, I may never find out. What can ya do?

I used think constantly about what I wanted out of life; about what would make me happy. I dreamt up great mountains of want. Things, experiences, romances, children, a good career, a Nobel Prize, an invitation to speak at TED, a new haircut, an Xbox 360 (with a 60 inch plasma TV, surround sound, and the entire Call of Duty series, obviously).

I was able to turn some dreams into reality, which was usually satisfying for a while. But the mountain of want loomed larger all the time, and satisfaction always slipped away like sand through a closing fist. After many years of extravagant fantasy making, of waning satisfaction even when the fantasy’s came true, I dreamt a paradoxical dream: I wanted to stop wanting. I didn’t what to annihilate all motivation or become emotionally dead. I simply wanted to become less determined by my wants, which were always about me, and which delivered contentment that crumbled in time.  

If long term travel has taught me anything it is this: I’m not fussy, and I adapt. Why, then, was I always worried about what would become of me? Perhaps I’m built to be happy with whatever is. That’s a good way to be built. I think I should embrace it more. 

Life has some practical concerns, though. Since I quit playing poker for a living almost two years ago, I’m always wondering what I am going to do for a living next. It’s not an immediate concern, but the future has a way of arriving ahead of schedule.

When deciding whether or not do ride a motorcycle across Asia, I was heavily influenced by a quote that is as cheesy as it was poignant:

“Don’t ask what you want out of life, ask what life wants out of you"

- Some lousy book I've forgotten the name of. 

I was having trouble making the decision. I actually didn’t feel like travelling. However, I had to admit to myself that for the first and only time in my life did it seem as if events were conspiring to move me in a particular direction. Life seemed to want me to travel, and by motorcycle this time.

“All the way across Asia” life said.

“Alright. I guess I’ll just have to adapt.” I responded.

Life may ask me to ride across Africa too. I secretly hope it does. By the time I have navigated across the whole of Africa, life may ask me to keep going.

“Around the world, you fool!” Life may say.

To which I will respond “Okay, but can I borrow some money now?”  

And hopefully life will say “Sure!”

It may not work out that way. I might get stuck in India and give up. I may run out of money sooner than expected. “Dammit Life!” I’ll think. “What the hell was that all about? Now I have to adapt to some other circumstance.”  You never can tell what’s going to happen next. The most important events in life are always the least predictable. 

There’s another thing I do during my little breaks. I ponder imponderables; all those big and seemingly unanswerable questions about life. I’m unsure whether there is sense in such a hopeless task, but I’m inclined to do it anyway. Meditation is helping me quit.

The goal of the meditation I practice is singular: to see things “as they are”. That’s what I practice doing. I observe reality “as it is”. The breath comes in, the breath goes out. I keep my attention on my breath, and bring it back whenever it wanders away (which is often). That’s about it. It has revolutionized my life.

Ain’t that the darndest thing you ever heard?

Whatever I could not dis-cover about life through deductive reasoning, is becoming un-covered through direct expertise during meditation - the continual practice of observing things as they are. It’s the ultimate adaptation, everything becomes okay just the way it is. I think I’m ready for it.